He did it. He decided to stay with his girlfriend. I saw that coming a mile away. But that’s okay. I was surprised how well I took the news. I guess I knew they were staying together. He’s super comfy, why go anywhere? I was surprised at how well we were able to get back into friend groove without any questionable sex talk. That was what? Two weeks ago? But just the other night I was talking to him and had to get off the phone because his gf was there. HMPHH! I didn’t want to get off the phone! I wanted to talk to my friend for at least a few more hours. Funny because we haven’t really been talking about anything different. Kind of the same ol rehash. But still same ol rehash is fun if you really like the topic.
The other part of my homework to voice my desires, was getting back in contact with Mr. Flaky. I did it and he was already spoken for, of course. (That sexy specimen of a man, single? I think not.) I told him my intentions of hooking up again, but of course he could indulge my whims being in a relationship and all.
I kept texting him these g rated texts, and I felt limited that I couldn’t be my normally flirtatious self. And one thing I’m not supposed to be doing is limiting myself. On top of that I’ve been the one initiating the texts. And then he takes forever to text me back. This is due partially to his busy job and his jealous girlfriend. What I didn’t understand was how if he’s a trustworthy person why his girlfriend wouldn’t trust him texting a female friend. I felt insulted. I ‘m not the other woman anymore. I’m not lowering my standards anymore for no gat damn man. I have boundaries and self respect and I’m not settling for anyone’s second best anymore. Nor am I here to beg a man to be with me. I’m just being friendly. I value Mr. Flaky’s input on the simplest of things. I like his energy and his ambition and that does not necessarily lead to sex.
I feel proud of myself that there were plenty of times I could have texted some really racy shit, but I didn’t. Me, of all people, kept it strictly platonic. That is an accomplishment in of itself. I must be making progress because the need to text Mr. Flaky was incessant. When I texted him back I would anticipate his reply with such gusto. Now its been a week since I’ve texted him. I don’t care if he texts me back and I’m contemplating if I feel like wasting my time texting him Merry Christmas.
I’m still open to having a another romantic partner in my life. I visualize myself in the midst of a wonderfully sensuous love affair. The man in my visualization is Mr. Flaky, but its not him I want, it’s an alpha male like him. There’s a big difference. As I become more comfortable with the idea that I’m not a one man woman, I like to think my boo, Collin is too. ‘Cause honestly he just let loose that he really doesn’t want to share me, which is tough, because I will have another lover. His declaration disturbed me at first. But now I’m over it. He will either get used to it and we’ll stay together, or he won’t and we won’t stay together. Those are the only two options because monogamy is NOT my long term option. At all.
I’m giving in to my desires, and letting loose the resistance during this transition time known as the Solstice.
