In the experiment known as my love life I have found that there are two kinds of lovers-monogamous and non monogamous.
Monogamous
The monogamously inclined. They don’t value monogamy in of itself, it just so happens that they find it to be the best option for them. And as such when monogamy doesn’t serve them like it used to, as when the relationship starts to suffer, they are influenced to cheat. Used to being in a committed relationship, he steps out to see what else is out there to make his main relationship more bearable.
And then there’s the Man who Holds Monogamy as a Value. He’s not monogamous based on convenience but principle. How to spot these men? With monogamy comes other values like family, community, and honesty. What we value we hold dear to our hearts. What we value we will not tear asunder. This man when happy at home is the least likely of all men to cheat.
On the flip side not every man with a high sense of values values monogamy. He may value honesty and commitment above all others, but being with one woman? That doesn’t rate as highly.
Non Monogamous
A non monogamous partner will have more than one partner because it is his/her natural inclination. He is known as the Player when he’s single. His single status gives him permission to sleep with as many women as he pleases because there is no commitment. When the Player finds a woman he likes beyond others he wants to put his stamp on her, but the only way she’ll let this happen is if he commits to her and only her. Not wanting to risk losing her, voila he becomes involved in a committed relationship, but his inclinations don’t subside. In an deluded effort to please both himself and his main lady he puts up a front for his woman that he is monogamous, while he cheats to please his naturally non monogamous self.
There are several reasons why this man puts up a front, one is this man does not believe there are women who would share him. This man has brought into the paradigm, the societal norm, that only monogamous committed relationships exist and that to get the benefits of a relationship he has to be with only one woman. He does not believe or know there are women who would accept his proclivities to have sex with more than one woman AND be in a serious committed relationship.
Truly there is a limited amount of time and money a man has to wine and dine if he wants to have relations with more than one woman. What the non monogamous man knows intuitively (other than good time management) is that our love is not limited. The non monogamous man is successful in his multiple loves because he knows how to make his partner feel like she is the only girl in the world when she is with him.
Who Are You With?
Both types of men are capable of being faithful, at the least, honest and integral in the way they choose to love. How do you know if your mate is monogamous or not? Just listen and learn, and use your woman’s intuition. Over time people will show you who they are. And a big part of knowing your man is accepting him for who he is. If he feels like you will judge him then he won’t give you all of him. If your man knows he can be honest with few to no repercussion he won’t hold anything back.
Pictures are from here, here and here.
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