I was reading the blog Hot Alpha Female. In particular there was two articles that really got my attention. When I read aloud to Collin “How to Tell If She’s Emotionally Immature” he halleljah’ed a couple of times. To combat his obvious statement that I can be emotionally immature I pointed out this particular sentence:
In my own personal experience there were men who drew out different maturity levels within me. With the men that had a presence which made me feel safe, secure and validated I would be able to reflect and behave in ways that were very emotionally mature.
-Hot Alpha Female
To further prove that this was what was really going on in our relationship I read to him “I’m Only High Maintenance When You Don’t Maintain Me” on the same blog. My take on our relationship problems: He doesn’t make me feel secure. When I told Collin this he responded that he can’t make me feel financially secure, I have to do that. That’s my work not his.
And he’s right. The reason Mr. Flaky was so sexy was because he was so driven, so successful, even when he was laid off his can’t stop won’t stop attitude was the complete opposite to my I’m- going- to- watch- another- episode- before- I- get- that- resume-out attitude.
He was financially stable in a way I wasn’t and just being around him made me feel a secureness I didn’t feel by myself. And now I have a man who reflects myself instead of what I want to be. And I don’t like it.
The day before this I was Facebook chatting with dating expert, Mr. Locario. Explaining my relationship to someone not familiar with it it became clear as day to me that our relationship was following a certain pattern. When I give Collin a hard time our relationship emotionally drains him, and he’s less able to concentrate on his photography. I don’t seem him doing his life’s work and then I have less respect for him. Which in turn makes me not want to listen to him. It’s a self perpetuating cycle.
Mr. Locario advised me to wait it out see how my boo does over some months. If nothing improves he brought up the possibility of finding a more financially stable man. As Mr. Locario listed the things that a baller is looking for in a woman I wasn’t surprised, in fact I knew these things already. If I want to be more attractive to a certain kind of man I better be able to provide what he’s looking for. It reinforced what I was thinking already: If money is important to me, I better upgrade my job to a better paying one. If I want more from my man I better be prepared to be able to want more from myself first.
The next day I was imbued with the thought that I needed to stop investing so much of myself in my relationship and more in myself.
My Momma, OmiFunke
While with Mr. Locario the possibility of finding someone else was ever present, my mother impressed upon me the ability to make my current mate what I want. She said make him successful. I should argue less with him, let him step up, and question him less. If I do this our relationship should get better. And he will feel more like a man, I will stress him out less and he will have more energy to make his photography more than just an idea.
What Started This
I started thinking about money because I’m turning 27. My goal is to be married by 30. I’ve been telling myself I have 4 years of messing around before I settle down. Now, that time is minused by 1. I only have 3 years till my goal. For a whole year I had 4, now I have only 3. Next year I’ll only have 2. Time waits for nobody.
I want to marry a man who can accommodate me staying at home with the children. I don’t want a husband who has to work two jobs just to make ends meet. And it would be nice if I could contribute to this lifestyle. In fact, depending on his wealth, or lack of, it might actually be necessary. I have less time to build a sizable income to contribute to this fabulous family life.
If I want a man with money I better get my ish on point. I’m hoping that when Collin sees me getting my stuff together that he will too. If not I will feel better about myself anyway and be able to attract a mate who is closer to my ideal.
It took more than one source from two articles on the blog Hot Alpha Female, to a Facebook chat with Mr. Locario to a good ol fashioned phone conversation with my Momma, OmiFunke, I can act with surety how to make my relationship better.