I used to think if a man didn’t spend money on me he didn’t care about me. Ain’t that some hoe shit? We’ve all been brought up on it. We want to say we aren’t hoes, yet we expect him to pay for dinner, whether we like him or not. I know I’m not the only one who wanted a free meal and went out with a dude I had no intention of hooking up with. I know I’m not the only one, and if you say you’ve never done that you are either lying or in the minute minority.
The ingrained thinking that a man HAS to pay for dinner ensures that most of us have been hoeing for dinner. He has to pay for your company. HE HAS TO pay on first meeting a stranger whom he knows nothing of. And what’s a typical first date is changing but many a first date are still being held at restaraunts. This guarantees men when meeting a stranger is obligated to put energy (money) into the other person, but what he receives in return is a crapshoot. No matter how wonderful you are, as a stranger for many men you are not worth the investment.
Women Have an Overinflated Sense of Self
The chance to talk to someone who owns a vagina and boobs doesn’t not have to cost a reservation at a sit down restaurant. Dating is a mutual feeling out period. More expensive dates can commence once the investment is worth it, and you are not a stranger in his eyes but a woman he wants to get to know better. As women we expect men to prove to us their worthiness simply because we’re worthy because we have a vagina and breasts. That ish is getting played out. Men are getting tired of paying for women who have nothing to offer, but their bodies. Men are getting tired of paying for someone else’s future perfect girlfriend, but not theirs. Men nowadays only want to pay for THEIR girlfriends or a woman they’re dating on the regular. Everybody else gets a walk in a park and First Saturdays.
A man does not have to spend money on you to show he cares or is interested. Especially if he’s just a friend or you just met. How would it look if your female friend looked at you when the check arrived? You have to pay for her company. Wouldn’t be a good look would it? So why on Earth would you expect a stranger to pay for your presence? Women have been championing this double standard for decades because it’s convenient as all hale!
“Women love money… You know what they love even more than money? Your money.” -D.L Hughley
And the thinking behind men paying is so misguided it’s comical. It’s misguide because it’s not necessary. Even when he’s your man, if he pays he should be doing it because he to.If he’s paying because you’re being stingy, trust he will detect that and act accordingly. If he’s paying because you don’t have any money, then you need to get on your grind so you can contribute to those Red Lobster dinners you love so much.
Carry Your Own Weight
A man should not be required to pay for anything out of his budget. So if he’s financially able and likes to then let him. But let’s be honest a relationship is 50/50, but some women are contributing 20/80 when it comes to the finances even though our men aren’t balling. That ish needs to stop. That is the reason most men see dating and consequently marriage as a hustle. Men take on ALL the responsibility only reaping half the benefits, if any.
As diverse as women are the exact actions that communicate a man is Boss are varied too, but one of our favorite ways of sussin this is having him pay. Financial solvency is not the only indication that he’s a man’s man. The best ways to suss his competency are long term and not immediate. But we’re all sticklers for immediate clues so that money on the table excites women on a basic level because not only does it subconsciously communicates to us that he’s a man of means, but that we were worth it.
“Men are inspired by women that make them want to be great without repeatedly making it clear that they expect it…They don’t need to see a kind act in order to perform a kind act.”- Slim Jackson for Uptown Magazine
Extreme neediness is to focus on what you do not have. What you focus on becomes larger. So while you NEED these men to pay for you so you can feel appreciated, worthy and that he’s on the up and up you’re going to always find yourself needing that validation system and not getting your REAL needs (that have nothing to do with money) met.
“I must admit I really dig your operation/ Every time we on the phone, you got that sexy conversation/So now you hope to be the woman of my dream/ And while I’m asleep, you’ll be creepin’, robbing me clean”- RIP Heavy D
Thanks for the mention in this article.
This post brings to mind a few things:
If I’ve been out a few times with a woman and she never even reachers for her purse, I’m going to get turned off even if we had a great time. That expectation of “we’re out. so he pays” drives me nuts, particularly when she’s the one that suggested we hang out. This is tangential to the subject, but it came to mind as I was reading. Men are also cautious about spending money nowadays for fear of being labeled a simp…or being part of her free dinner program. With such different perspectives and concerns on each side of the table, it’s no wonder this is an issue.
By the way, lol at walk in the park and first Saturdays. I chuckled at that.
Thanks for commenting Slim. Those first Saturdays are what’s up. lol! As for simping I’m just realizing how deep that pimp/simp mentality runs in our culture.
[...] lot of women, too many women believe the only thing they need to get a baller is looks. (Some of them don’t even have that, but some thirsty dudes we’re trying to get at her [...]